as good as a piece of string around my finger...

I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed by this planning process [to those who know me outside this blog, this is a shocking revelation, I know...]. My type A personality is struggling to relinquish control of any detail whatsoever, yet it's the details that are driving me mad (what color green for the paper... crest or no crest... black ribbon or green... necklace or brooch...ahahaha it goes on and on... into my dreams, I swear...!) I chanced upon this little pendant on Etsy, and am thinking I would do well by sewing it onto my bouquet. Because, frankly, if I'm this stressed with six months to go, I can only imagine what will befall me on April 18, 2009. A not-so-subtle reminder to myself might be well taken...

uhuru! this could be us!

Uhuru!
Originally uploaded by acastellano

...it started as a joke. I don't remember the details, but it had something to do with me talking about hiking Mt. Kilimanjaro, followed by The Fiancé disbelieving me [...not surprising, given my aversion to camping...], followed closely by my public castration of him over Facebook for "Not believing in my DREAM(!) to hike to the top of Mt. Kilimanjaro!"

Anyway, following a recent begging-pleading-crying-for-mercy attempt on my part to ditch this whole wedding fiasco and elope instead [...it happens regularly, don't You all have the same desire now and then...?], The Fiancé declared that not only could we NOT elope [...something about the whole declaring-our-love-in-front-of-everyone is really important to some people, apparently (read: The Fiancé)...], but in fact, he wouldn't even contemplate the idea UNLESS said elopment were to occur in someplace terribly exotic [to us], say, like Mt. Kilimanjaro...

...which led me to thinking [a dangerous endeavor, I tell You]: COULD we get married on Mt. Kilimanjaro?!?

I am hating planning my wedding right now. I just want to fast forward, be married, and skip all this nonsense. A lot of this stems from my general impatience (it's a character flaw). I just don't understand why everything - takes - so - long. Time seems to be at once crawling (will April 2009 EVER get here?), and yet I don't have any time with which to be carefree and fancy free (where have all my weekends gone this fall?!). The road to The Wedding just seems to stretch interminably long right now.

At times [yesterday] when I realize that I just don't care what the Save the Dates look like [well, I do, but not really... No, I don't... Yes, okay, I do... Whatever...], I need to remind myself that being engaged and the planning of The Wedding should be as enjoyable as the day itself...

After all, “Too often we are so preoccupied with the destination, we forget the journey.” (source: unknown)

...Then again, instead of Save the Dates, we could always just send out After-the-Fact Announcements like this picture, that simply say, "We're Hitched!"

Mmmm.... tempting.

i want what i can't have

I used to be crafty. I remember when I was nine I made this lovely little shoebox filled with paper people --They were kind of like those cut-outs with little fold-over tab clothing that you could dress [only they mine were permanently dressed, of course]. There was even furniture. Seriously. 3D. I was so creative. I presented my shoebox to my grandmother, and of course she confirmed my brilliance and applauded my artistic abilities.

Then, I grew up. I continued with artsy things right into college, wherein I eventually lost interest (or stopped getting As), and focused instead on more business-related pursuits. Fast forward to today, wherein my free time is spent reading the New York Times and researching CD rates rather than utilizing any remaining creative instincts.

This background may explain my quick obsession with wedding-related projects. One thing I never lost: my love of a good project. It took maybe 2.5 seconds after getting engaged to start dreaming of all the lovely d.i.y. projects I incorporate into The Wedding. There's just one problem: did I mention The Wedding isn't my day job? My former craftiness seems to have disappeared through sieve known as Life. Which is why, upon this history, when I stumble across amazing wedding d.i.y. projects done by much craftier folks than I, I actually wince with jealousy. Many of these projects seem to revolve around something called a "gocco." Again, I'm an attorney; I do not even know what "gocco" is. I think it's some sort of magical tool. Apparently it lets you create coasters like this, which incites the rage inside me... I think I want one, whatever it is.

Ridiculously cute coasters courtesy of Kristina and her gocco over at Lovely Mornings:

throw back

In light of yesterday's events, I'm thinking of a whole new motif for The Wedding. I imagine it looking something like this:

source: The New Yorker

cliffside

This morning I'm a bit sore from having clawed my way back up and over from the precipice I flew over yesterday...the precipice into medoldramatic romanticism. The scary, scary thing? I didn't even know I'd fallen until last night, when The Fiancé was reading my blog and suddenly exclaimed aloud, "'makes [your] throat close, [your] eyes smart, and [your] stomach clench'?!?! You're kidding, right? Really? Since when?" He looked at me in mock horror.

I cringed.

And it was then that I realized...I had become my own mortal enemy: a bride. Thankfully, I am about to marry someone who is capable of identifying my own absurdity. And unapologetically pointing it out to me. Before helping me climb back to sanity.

30 years of singledom and intelligence and strength, all down the drain with one little photograph. Alas, is there hope for me? According to Caitlin Gibson and Rachel Manteuffel in a recent Washington Post article, I'm not alone, for they decry:

"But we have seen what happens to some intelligent, strong women when confronted by the multibillion-dollar Wedding Industrial Complex: Those few unattractive tendencies, weaknesses generally kept under control -- bossiness, melodramatic romanticism, obsession with looks, agony over superficial details -- coalesce into a toxic distillate. What chance does anyone have against an industry that seduces the rampaging feminine id?"

So you see, like everything, this is not my fault. I am a mere victim of the Wedding Industrial Complex. How can I possibly compete?


source: Princess Lasertron, as featured on The Offbeat Bride. Drown in button bouquet wedding porn on her Flickr photostream.